i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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