the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
