I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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