So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
