got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Randomize
