life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
