try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
