i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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