We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
