I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
