So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
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