Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
