ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
