dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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