i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
