I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
