I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
