my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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