More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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