dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
