so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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