just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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