things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
