"it" just moved
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
