I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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