3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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