im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
