we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
