he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
