my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
