I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My feet surprised me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
