You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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