I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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