if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
