Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
