good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
