she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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