I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
