Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
