I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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