Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
