the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
