before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
