Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
