I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
