You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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