Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
