goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
