DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
