I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
