Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
