they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
