chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The air was thick with penises
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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