Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
