i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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