just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
