woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
