This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
