I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
