"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When are your genitals available?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
