I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Threesome in a minivan. New low
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
