There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
