My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
