she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
