and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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