my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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