now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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