Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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