dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
