We're facebook friends in real life
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
