So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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