Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
