Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I fill condoms, not promises.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
