So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
