I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
