I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
