you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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