I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You are a genius and a whore.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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