addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The best revenge is premature balding
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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