Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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