hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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