His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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