Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
