3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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